2022 #1: Attack of Raroa, Part I




Upper left corner: SA, Dec. '94, head shots of the three good guys, and a yellow number "1".
Top center(ish): 2022
Captions above everyone's heads: Tarian, Raroa, Cybre, Death Skull, Isil, Lavor
Lower right: ATTACK OF RAROA (Part I)

Analysis:
Dec. '94 means that, according to the math, I was about eleven and a half years old. The "SA" is an awesome clever logo I came up for my name, and by that I mean a nickname I went by at the time that I will not, repeat repeat here. Just because I'm sharing my old 2022 comics with you doesn't mean I don't have some dignity. The emblem with the head shots is because Marvel comics do that. I wasn't aware at the time that they do that because they have so many characters who jump in and out and in and out of so many different teams that it's necessary to have that just to be able to tell who the hell is even in this issue. I just kind of thought it was something cool comics did.

Not that you can tell from the fact that they're all just randomly fighting, but Tarian, Cybre, and Lavor are the good guys, and Raroa, Death Skull, and Isil are the bad guys. This was made in 1994 and I was eleven so I honestly have the I DIDN'T KNOW excuse, but yes, in hindsight, "Cybre" is the best superhero name ever.

Also, note poor Isil, thrown in the corner almost as some sort of afterthought. Apparently his powers involve force fields or something, since he's using one to block a shot from Lavor. It's hard to say, though, considering Isil will never be seen again. Ever. Apparently I lied when I decided to put a guy named Isil on the cover, since he sure as hell isn't in the actual comic anywhere.




Upper left caption: LAVOR
Sign on roof of building: SCIENCE
Sign just to the right of building: MT. LAVA - MOST ACTIVE VOLCANO

Anayslis:
I guess we're doing everyone's superhero origins, starting with LAVOR, hence the caption. Evidently he came from a science building that was built about three feet away from Mt. Lava, the most active volcano. Personally, I couldn't possibly think of a better location for a science building. Also, you can tell it's a science building because it says SCIENCE. And it also has a gigantic gaping black hole on the right side of the roof. This is totally realistic, as all science buildings say SCIENCE and have messed-up roofs. On the other hand, the portcullis is probably a touch unrealistic.

You might not believe me just from looking at that panel, especially since the door suddenly changes shapes between panels, but it's actually a split panel with two frames of action happening, and not a depiction of there actually being more than once science building at the base of Mt. Lava. Panel two depicts one of those shots of lava going directly through the hole in the roof. Which just goes to show you; if you're running a science building at the base of Mt. Lava, always make sure the roof is in good condition.




Box on table: DNA

Analysis:
See? If you run a science building at the base of a volcano and your roof sucks, this will happen.

That box on the table says "DNA." When I was eleven, I really, genuinely believed that pure DNA was a tangible substance that was evidently some sort of liquid, and that mixing this tangible liquid DNA with anything would bring it to life with complete intelligence. Want a living, sapient carrot? Pour some DNA on a carrot. This works for everything. Everything. So, a shot of lava from the eruption of Mt. Lava, after killing a random scientist, flowed into the box of DNA. Obviously, this can only mean it's about to spontaneously generate a living lava-monster.




Lavor:That was wild! I'll bet I'd make one heck of a superhero. I think I'll do that!

Analysis:
Yep. Now that Lavor has been given life by the most totally realistic of means, he offers us insight into the truly deep and complex motivations that drive his desire to do good. This is a thoroughly well-developed character.




Upper left caption: CYBRE
Raroa: You'll never get me!
Cybre: Criminals must pay!

Analysis:
Owned.




Door: EMERGENCY ROOM

Analysis:
Can't you feel the tension with this dramatic emergency room door shot? Is he going to make it? Is he? Is he??? :(




Instructions: Cyber-System 2000. To activate, insert unit on face.

Analysis:
Well, he made it. The bad news is that he took such a serious shot to the stomach that his arm and leg had to be amputated. This makes perfect sense. The good news, though, is that his stomach itself is okay, and they gave him spiffy cyber-arms. (I was totally ripping off Marvel Comics' Forge.) Also, I don't know what kind of crappy HMO he has, but I'm generally not used to the doctors just kind of leaving you there on the operating table after everything's done, with nothing more than some instructions written on the thing they left you.

"Doctor, it looks like he's going to pull through!"
"Okay, good enough. Anyone hungry? I could eat."
"Doctor, are you sure that's okay?"
"What? I'll write down how to use this thing, so it's cool."




Cybre:Raroa, I won't rest until you are destroyed!

Analysis:

This is Cybre's angry face.




Panel 1, upper left caption: TARIAN
Panel 1, ship: POWER BLASTERS
Panel 2, Neutron: Black Shadow Warriors attacking! They're boarding our ship!
Panel 2, Tarian: Let's get 'em.
Panel 2, Neutron and Tahaki: Right!

Analysis:
The POWER BLASTERS were my older idea for a superhero team. I had all these other characters, but the guys you see here plus one or two more are the only ones I can actually remember now. The guy in orange armor is their leader, Neutron. He has armor and can teleport. The black creature is Tahaki. He's a proto-furry and I think he has telepathy or something. The green guy is Tarian, who the caption helpfully informs us is the only one we need to actually care about. He's a shapeshifter. We don't get to see where he actually came from since he was totally established as a Power Blaster by the time I decided to steal characters for 2022, but knowing me, his Power Blaster origin probably involves a glass of water and some DNA.

Oh, it was nice of Captain Olimar to lend the Power Blasters his rocket, by the way.




Black Shadow Warrior: I know your weak spot!

Analysis:
Tarian's weakness is that in his green grid form, he has one black square directly on the front of his stomach that, when hit in any way, instantly cancels whatever form he was trying to assume, and makes him curl up into a literal ball of "oh God I'm helpless and in pain." I guess it's like being kicked in the junk, only for him it's right there on his stomach like some sort of black bull's eye. You'd think he'd have eventually discovered the miracle of armor or...any sort of clothing at all, because one of the recurring themes of 2022's entire run is that this happened to him a lot.




Panel 1, gun: BLACK HOLE GUN
Panel 1, Black Shadow Warrior: "Say Goodbye!"
Panel 2, someone: Tarian!
Panel 3, Tarian: Now where am I? I will still continue fighting evil anyway!

Analysis:
Black Hole Gun, won't you come, and wash away the rain....

Well, he came to terms with that dimension shift fairly quickly. Once again, the actual "why I fight crime" part is given minimal attention compared to...well, anything else. I guess that, in this world, "Well I have these powers so I may as well be a superhero I guess" is a common train of thought.

And now, with everyone's origins established, let's see what happens when they meet each other!




Panel 2, Cybre: !
Panel 2, Tarian: !
Panel 2, Lavor: !

Analysis:
!




Tarian: Evil! Here's a chance to pick up where I left off!
Cybre: Must be some of Raroa's henchmen! They won't get away!
Lavor: Here is my first job as a superhero; these bad guys!

Analysis:
Note the immense amount of effort I spent with the artwork on each panel. No detail was spared, from even the tiniest detail of each character's full body and costumes to the lush, expansive backgrounds. Oh, and they all follow the standard Homeland Security deductive process, I see.




Analysis:
I don't know what the hell is up with Lavor's aim here. You can't really tell because I apparently didn't want to draw him more than once this page, but he's only about three feet away.




Cyber-System 2000: CYBER-SYSTEM 2000 ACTIVATED.

Analysis:
Cyber-System 2000: apply directly to forehead. Cyber-System 2000: apply directly to forehead. Cyber-System 2000: apply directly to forehead. Cyber-System 2000: apply directly to forehead. Oh, good that Cybre can master such complicated directions, I guess.




Lavor: A shape-shifter!

Analysis:
Tarian assumes the form of Lavor for no particular reason, but the real Lavor's incisive wit cuts to the heart of the matter. There's no fooling this DNA-infused lava monster.




Panel 1, Cybre: Wait!
Panel 2: Cybre: Hold on! Why are we fighting? I'm a good guy!
Panel 2, Tarian and Lavor: Me too!

Analysis:
You know, I was wondering what the Cyber-System 2000 actually did. Apparently, Cybre's superpower is that he has a mask which, when worn, makes him slightly less of a dumbass. Although I'm pretty sure that if you know you're a good guy and you strongly suspect that you're fighting bad guys, shouting "Wait, I'm a good guy!" shouldn't be that tremendously effective. Good thing the Cyber-System 2000 makes him good at lucky guesses.




Panel 1, Cybre: Together, we can destroy the evil Raroa and his henchmen. Who's with me?
Panel 1, Tarian: Count me in.
Panel 1, Lavor: Ditto.
Panel 2, Cybre: To get to know each other: I'm Cybre.
Panel 2, Tarian: Tarian.
Panel 2, Lavor: Lavor.

Analysis:
"We can't go superhero-ing without a villain, but I have a spare one in my backstory if anyone wants. OH GOD LAVOR PLEASE ONLY DO THE HAND-HOLDING CAMARADERIE THING IF YOU DON'T SEAR FLESH ON TOUCH AAAAHHHH"

What did Raroa actually do besides blast Cybre, anyway? Why were they fighting? Cybre called Raroa a "criminal." Is he some sort of cop? All we really know is that Raroa and Cybre are archnemeses for some reason, but that's good enough to get Lavor and Tarian involved, I suppose.

Anyway, that was exciting. With a team like this, Raroa doesn't stand a chance!




Lower-left panel, bottle: ???
Lower-middle panel: CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK

Analysis:
Apparently they're disguising themselves! I have absolutely no idea what that bottle in the lower-left panel says, even though I presumably wrote it and I have access to this page in real now. Pretend it says "DYE" even though it doesn't--it's about the only thing that would make sense in context.

So, Tarian just shapeshifts, Cybre dresses up in slightly fancier clothing, and Lavor goes through a complicated system of being fed into a mold with some...dye...and baked like a Creepy Crawler. Um, okay.

This is the only time in this issue in which I actually edited the panels together out of order; in real life, Tarian's transformation panel is the very last on the preceding page, then the next page starts with the entire row consisting of Lavor's, and then Cybre's starts the following row. Due to Lavor taking up an entire row and Tarian and Cybre only taking up one panel each, this arrangement made more sense for the edited-together version.




Cybre: Now we can enter Raroa's hideout without being noticed!

Analysis:
Raroa lets random civilians wander around his hideout all the time. It's only when you're costumed up and trying to kill him that he really cares.




Inset, Cybre: Just remember, let me do the talking!
Main, Cybre: Hey, Raroa! Open the door! I have some important business!

Analysis:
"Let me do the talking, because I'm the one he'll be least likely to recognize as the guy he just beat the tar out of five minutes ago, with no disguise except he's not wearing blue anymore." Also, if you ever need to infiltrate anything with super-tight security, shouting "let me in, I have important business" always works. Watch, Raroa's just going to open the door without so much as a "who the hell are you, again?"




Sound effect: WHIRRRRRR!
Raroa: What was this business?
Cybre: Why, REVENGE of course!

Analysis:
Tarian and Lavor are so glad they let Cybre do the talking right about now. Hey, wait, weren't his hands exposed under that fancy suit? Did the gloves just magically materialize when he ripped the suit off?




Cyber-System 2000: CYBER-SYSTEM 2000 ACTIVATED

Analysis:
Oh, okay, Cybre wasn't wearing his anti-stupid mask at the time. I suppose that explains it.




Analysis:
Tarian and Lavor care about their elaborate disguises about as much as Cybre does.




Death Skull: You just leave everything to me, Raroa!

Analysis:
"Yes, leave everything to me, Raroa! To me, your only henchmen. Isil? Who the hell is Isil? We never had anyone named Isil on the payroll."




Sound effect: SCHLOOP!

Analysis:
Death Skull's power is that when he's wearing his skull mask, the horns on it are kind of pointy. Naturally, for his headbutt attack, he goes straight for amorphous guy made out of molten lava.




Panel 1, Raroa: Nice job...
Panel 3, Lavor and Tarian: ...but not nice enough!

Analysis:
So, wait, Tarian assumed the form of Raroa for no particular reason, and then abandoned that form just to taunt Death Skull?

The only even theoretically possible explanation is that this was something Lavor and Tarian were working out when Cybre was busy with his brilliant diplomacy. "All right, Tarian, check this out. I figured out a prank we can pull. It'll be so cool. You take Raroa's form, and then I get stabbed and pretend to die, and you'll be like "Nice job." But then I reform, and then we'll both simultaneously be like "But not nice enough!" Man! Wouldn't that be awesome?"

We never see Death Skull again after this, so you can assume that he fell into Lavor and melted, or something. Or maybe that was just such an awesome put-down that Death Skull was shamed right out of the entire comic.




Panel 1, upper-left caption: Meanwhile....
Panel 1, Cybre: I've been looking forward to this!
Panel 1, Raroa: So have I.
Panel 3, Cybre: It ain't gonna work this time!

Analysis:
Oh shit, Cybre mastered the power of getting out of the way of things! That Cyber-System 2000 does make him smarter! I can't say it does much for his grammar, though.




Panel 1, sound effects: ZITT ZITT
Panel 2, Cybre: Urgh... Unhh...
Panel 4, sound effect: KA-CHINK
Panel 7, Raroa: Sorry, won't work on me!
Panel 10, Lavor: It looks like you could use a hand.
Panel 10, Cybre: Could I ever!

Analysis:
You know, I'm just going to fast forward a little, because this fight is totally boring. Raroa throws some "ZITT" lightning bolts at Cybre with Stormtrooper aim, then Cybre catches one, and absorbs the power and punches Raroa, transferring the power to him. Then Raroa absorbs the power from...himself...with a "Sorry, doesn't work on me!", and throws it back at Cybre, who jumps out of the way.

Then Tarian and Lavor show up after apparently having buried Death Skull next to Isil, Lavor says "It looks like you could use a hand," and Cybre says "Could I ever!" Because Cybre didn't have the "maybe if I dodge attacks instead of standing there like an idiot and getting blasted" thing under control, apparently.

Hey, wait, wasn't Cybre wearing an intact suit that concealed the robo-arm and leg?




Panel 1, Raroa: It's all over!
Panel 2, Cybre: GAAA!
Panel 3, sound effect: SPLUT

Analysis:
Perhaps I spoke too soon regarding Cyber finally figuring out how to dodge things.




Analysis:
OH WAIT, IT WAS ONLY TARIAN, who apparently doesn't have that black square problem when he's actually fully assuming someone else's form? If so, then you'd think reverting to the one form in which he can get utterly destroyed by anyone who thinks to aim for the obvious weak point wouldn't make a tremendous deal of tactical sense, but...whatever. Clearly I don't know enough about science to have landed that prestigious DNA research position at the SCIENCE building near Mt. Lava.




Panel 1, Raroa: RRR
Panel 3, sound effect: WUMF
Panel 4, sound effect: SLASH

Analysis:
Raroa reveals his true form, and he and Cybre take the fight to a new level that seems to involve taking turns cleanly hitting each other with no attempt whatsoever to block or dodge anymore, while Lavor and Tarian evidently just sort of watch. Way to give Cybre a hand, guys.


This is Cybre's slightly annoyed face.




Sound effect: POOF

Analysis:
Hey, what happened to Raroa's super armor? The linework suggests that I was about to draw it in this panel, then the coloring suggests that I changed my mind for some completely unknown reason.

Oh, wait, the "POOF" suggests he's changing. I wonder if that's some sort of subtle transformation effect or something? It certainly isn't a good one, but whatever.




Analysis:
Lavor gets tired of this shit. Way to be useless, Cybre and Tarian.




Panel 1, fake Raroa: MALFUNCTION, MALFUNCTION, MALFUNCTION
Panel 2, fake Raroa: MALFUNCTION...
Panel 3, sound effect: KABOOM!

Analysis:
No way! You mean in a comic where every single good and bad guy who got any injury more serious than a punch to the face turned out to be Tarian, that was anything other than the real Raroa??

That orange lighting there was basically the coolest art I ever did for years. I never said I was a good artist even after I stopped being eleven. :( Hey, wait, where's Tarian's weak square? And why is Cybre's arm immune to light?




Raroa: I am the real Raroa! You all will die!
Caption: TO BE CONTINUED

Analysis:
DUN DUN DUNNNN!!


Next issue: Nothing is actually continued! Raroa goes the way of Isil, the artwork get a NEW IMPROVED LOOK, and Cybre gets his ass kicked twice.



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